The Photograph
I belong to Sunday Scribblings, a writer's group online that gathers once a week to free-write on a suggested topic. This week, the topic is The Photograph. I've already contributed this piece on the topic, but could not stop there, as I am a photographer and simply have too many significant ones to choose from. I can hardly believe I narrowed it down to two pieces. So here's my second entry:
I've been posing for the camera most of my life. And I do mean posing. As a student of All Things Beautiful, I studied my best sides, my most favored angles and learned to avoid having my photo taken when I could not offer one or the other. But one day last summer, a sudden storm blew through Taos, bringing an unexpected wind. Silas grabbed the camera, pulled me outside and started snapping the shutter click click click as I moved around the sagebrush. His fingers were working too quick and the wind was dancing to wildly for any kind of posing. So I just turned this way and that, letting the wind become my partner in some strange rain dance.
There was a moment the wind kicked my skirt up, I mean WAY up, Moulin-Rouge-knicker-twist-show-the-boys-a-good-time-over- the-head UP and somewhere between the sudden surprise and the instant reflex to cover myself the shutter went click click click. And it captured something...rare.
Not a pose. Not even a moment. More like an essence.
Let me explain.
I've been a student of Self Love since 1999. Recovering from a botched surgery and paralysis, I began studying the realms of Soul, dipping my palms into the river of books and tapes that cite love as a means of healing. Deep love, wellspring love, the kind drawn only from an internal well. Of course I tried the exercises: journaling, affirmations, mirror-talk. While journaling and affirmations came somewhat easily (although sporadically) to me, I didn't fare so well with the mirror. I tried looking in the glass saying "I love you" and though I truly meant it, something in me would cringe and shrink from the image in the mirror, resisting.
The years have passed. I have learned and loved. But not until this day, as Silas and I downloaded the Canon's digital film onto the Mac, was I able to see the result of so many years of effort materialized. Gazing at that photo, it was if I was looking in a mirror and there was no cringing, no shrinking. I'd been captured, the essence of me digitized for the viewing eye. Unposed, unpolished, raw. And I knew right then and there: all the healing work I'd done, all the attempts at self-love, struggling to unfetter the past and unhinge the future, was over. For there she was, in total abandon, unchecked, unmonitored, free. And she was fierce. Alive. Colorful. Big. Unabashed. Mouth wide open in raucous laughter, goofy expression turning eyes to slits and nostrils to pig snout. Unflattered but unafraid.
And she is joy. And she is loved.
What a beautiful photograph of the complete,free,and beautiful YOU! I can't keep from cheering.
Your blog is beautiful. I love the heading.
Posted by: Granny Smith | April 05, 2008 at 02:34 PM
Beautiful
Posted by: space-monkey | April 05, 2008 at 05:14 PM
What a special photo. And you write about it so beautifully.
Posted by: paul | April 05, 2008 at 11:00 PM
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!
Posted by: Imelda / GreenishLady | April 06, 2008 at 04:47 AM
Impressive - your words and the photos are absolutely beautiful!
Posted by: Tumblewords | April 06, 2008 at 01:01 PM
Can I tell you how much I adore this photo? I swear every time I look at it, I can actually hear the laughter ringing out across the sage. Your description of how it came to be is such a treat. This photo is a touchstone for me, to always remember what a wonderful thing it is to be alive, and AWARE!! Some people might not understand that... but I know you will. ;)
Posted by: Aimee | April 09, 2008 at 07:10 AM
How absolutely stunningly beautiful. Oh, and I love "Chocolat" too.
Posted by: Cat | April 10, 2008 at 07:09 AM
Brilliant Angi, just brilliant!!
Posted by: Rebecca | April 17, 2008 at 06:30 PM
Thank you, thank you! Just when the rain and morning scale were getting me down I stumbled upon you spectacular photo. I am going to add it to my screen saver of beautiful photos to remind me that if we let our inner light shine brightly by loving the whole package of ourselves, others will see it too!
I am a large woman and I continue to try to find unconditional love for myself as I am. The mirror makes it hard but your photo insures that it is possible.
Posted by: Andrea Colman | May 16, 2008 at 09:00 AM
strange how my post was attributed to someone named Rebecca. I wonder who they'll assign this one to....hmmm, curiouser and curiouser....
Andrea Colman
Posted by: Andrea Colman | May 16, 2008 at 09:02 AM
actually, I just noticed that the posting date is tomorrow, April 17 at 6:30 pm. Am I time traveling? Will I actually post tomorrow as Rebecca? Is she the time traveller? Will I channel a spirit named Rebecca tomorrow night or will I jump into someone named Rebecca tomorrow and if so why is the future post showing up now and what will I/she think about yesterday's post when it's today tomorrow?
Is all of this happening because my daughter is in the play 'Alice in Wonderland' this week and I've fallen through the rabbit hole...oh wait, perhaps I climbed through my looking-glass and that's why I was able to stumble upon this amazing photo!
CURIOUS AND CURIOUSER... :) ;) ,) ) that's my Cheshire cat disappearing.
Posted by: Andrea Colman | May 16, 2008 at 09:10 AM